Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
