planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
