i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
