Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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