the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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