I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
