is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
