The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
