He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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