those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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