I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
