found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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