woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
