i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
