it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
