i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
