and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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