So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
