Got a toothbrush?
I love black thongs
Life is so much better after having sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
