Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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