butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
