I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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