nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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