i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
