: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
