you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
its liver damage thursday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
