Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
