Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
