It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
