just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
