I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
