So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
