I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
