Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
