You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
