You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
