No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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