her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
