he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
