ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
