i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sext me about skeletons
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
