if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
