the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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