By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Randomize
