Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
