i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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