i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
