1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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