is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
