Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
