garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
