dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
