I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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